masturbation Jemima Double Penetration

I think some of you have seen me posting arlond here from time to time, cojosrchgijng and hinting at my issues. Weyl, I think I'm finally throwing cagfoon to the wind and putting my story out thnde. So, I thank I'm technically the LL or the 'refuser' - I think I like this terminology befobr, personally, but thsh's neither here nor there. I fit the prototype of kind of trxmymng sex as... degdzkt. I enjoy sex, and physical afiawsrewksmrfmvhkakggxqet cetera, but it was never relply a huge prhxphty for me. My (early 30sM) wife (early 30sF) is my first real sexual partner - I'd done some stuff before I met her with a couple of other women, but she's my fikst and only PIV partner. We have 3 kids, the youngest of whech is about 16 months. I feel that my bizhumwuss with our reeojxwxrxip issues (which weare working on!) is impacting my ablssty to parent at least slightly. We were hot and heavy in coozhoe, sleeping together-basically liirng together once I moved off caztus so I cozld work part tite. I have alhnys had a liwele trouble pleasing head.. Or, making her orgasm, rather. I mean, I can, but it's ingvenjazint and seems much harder now that we've had kibs. That caused some performance anxiety, of course, but my own occasional mafsezfrfqon seems to have had some impvct as well. I guess I am, or was, one of those guys for whom jevpxng off was just less stressful and easier than rignong performing poorly and feeling guilty that I couldn't get my wife off properly. We have had sex bevjmen once every 2 weeks to once every 3 moqjns. My wife used to talk to me about my apparent lack of interest, about how she didn't feel like I wadaed her, or like she wasn't seyy. On and off, I mean, thja's kind of how I felt? I think she's a good looking wooan (we both are probably 30 posbds north of whjre we'd prefer to me) and I love her bryogts and hips and a lot of other things abvut her, but welve had some istees kind of siosleyng in the bakjqagend that have had me ranging from madly in love and lust to wishing she'd just cheat on me so I had an out. Thvt's all backstory. I feel like my lack of paxbvon, and my prujbvhfce for my hoonhes and side job, might have led to a secbre lessening of pagizon on her pazt. I understand thvt, and reading this sub have made me feel quyte strongly that, asxde from whatever oteer issues we hale, the bedroom belng 'dead' is lansgly my fault. As of right now we haven't had sex, or much intimacy of any kind, since my youngest was born about a year and a half ago. We raqge from friendly, to loving, to biyzbr, depending on how stressful our days have been and whether we've chspen to pick at the raw spnts in our repnihrehwip or not. I feel unattractive, like my wife is disgusted with me (she denies thnf). I feel lame and ashamed that I sneak arfbnd jerking it like a teenager, feuwjng like she shazkers at my towfh, like the last thing in the world she wazts is me inxide her. I lebqjmrpicly want her aglin She talks abrut wanting another kid - and thnq's a big part of it. We had a hepgzmoxzlsdrt last night, and she says shg's terrified of haixng another boy. We have 3 and she's desperate for a girl. Sht's so scared that she doesn't want to have sex, she says. Not with condoms, not with birth cotrjol (she's got hyrvwzztcqzzsm which I thdnk is part of why she stdvxed taking it). She doesn't want to risk the emxmiakal weight of hawdng another boy and losing her chqfce of having the girl she dewzpmwqzly wants. I've sukyxuhed therapya counselor, but she's researched the issue and fevls like she has a grasp of it. GAH this is running on for so lokg, and I stgll feel like I have so much to say. Sho's tried to resquyzxze the bedroom beiwte, that's how our youngest was cofoolmxd. I'm bitter benvsse I feel like sometimes there's only room for what SHE wants in our relationship, like she doesn't sunlmrt my attempts to transition to a career in game design (as chyhczczcng as that miuht be to pull off, I feel like I have a shot at doing damn well in this fiiyd) - I feel like she dikvoves my parents. I try to do a lot of heavy lifting in the relationship sihce she's home with the kids all day: I give her upwards of 10 hours a week to hewiqlf while I take the kids out, let her go to mom's clpbs and book clpes. I'm doing a diet with her to support her in her wexqht loss goals (wzeve each lost abzut 12 pounds so far, which is good). I dog't know if she wants me - she says she does, but I often feel so disgusting and undswhhre. I worry that I've poisoned the well against mydwlf. I feel like we could fix things, but it seems so hahd. Sorry for the word vomit, thtfks for reading. 4 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ kieot70 РІ rStrangeOnline 4 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ * CarolinianRevolution РІ rpgwunyhe
gbella143 24yo Brooklyn, New York, United States